Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Choose Your Own Ending

This is a little collaborative effort started by the bloggers at
Dine in or Take Out and Upset Waitress.

Each of the blogs have the same beginning to this story, but each has written their own ending. The bold part below is the same on each blog. What follows in my own ending.

One Christmas eve on the fourth of July, while Santa Clause cooked spare ribs, my uncle Sam delivered presents to all the good little waiters and waitresses. Then we opened for business.

All of the little waiters and waitresses gathered around the rocking chair in the staff room to listen to Mrs. Clause read them a cheerful story of Today's' Specials, Soup DuJour, and 86'd Items. After the story, the little group opened their presents to find new pens & Altoids. After each had tucked their new gear in their aprons, they all trooped out to the front to await the anticipated arrival of the customers.

The customers started to pour in shortly after 12. The wait staff stared in amazement as the dining room started to fill up with elves. All of the tables were crammed with tiny little customers with pointy ears peeking below their stocking caps. Pointy shoes dangled from legs that wouldn't reach the floor.

The waitstaff rushed out to take orders. Hot cocoa and chocolate chip cookies all around!

What?!? No, Cocoa???? No Cookies???? The riot began!

Santa came out of the kitchen to find tables overturned and silverware flying through the air. "What is this?" He boomed. But no one heard him over the commotion.

In a flash, Rudolph arrived to save the day. In his pack was cocoa and cookies. Soon, the porters turned the tables back up, the door servers sat everyone in their seats, and the wait staff arrived with steaming cocoa and gooey cookies.

Pretty Good.....

If I ask someone how their meal is, and they say "Pretty Good", I can almost guarantee something is wrong.

Here's the thing, sometimes I'm in the mood to go above and beyond and PRY it out of them, but other times I'm not. If your meal is only "Pretty Good" then you need to help me out a little. Since I can't read your mind, please tell me EXACTLY what is wrong so I can fix it. If it is something I can't fix, I'll let you know, but most problems can be fixed pretty quickly.

Last night I had a customer with a "Pretty Good" meal. I really wasn't in the mood to pry, but it was a slow night and I had to make the most of every tip.

So I asked the obvious, "Only Pretty Good?" With that cheezy little smile on my face...

"Well, this is a really big salad, and you only gave me a little bit of dressing...."

Oh poor you!! Don't whine about it!! Just ask for more!!!

I deal with preschoolers all day, I don't want to deal with them all night, too!
It is company policy to give only one side of dressing, but if you ask for more in a nice voice and say "please" and "thank you" I would be glad to get you more!

Monday, October 29, 2007

Snotty Tissues On the Table?!?!?


Leaving your snotty tissues on the table for me to pick up is gross!!
Leaving your child's snotty tissues on the table for me to pick up is just gross, too!!

I know this is the season for colds and germs and all that grossness, but I don't want to get sick from you!!!

Do you really want me serving your food to you when you come in next week if I have the cold you gave me tonight???

Waitressing in Heels

I can be such a moron sometimes.

In a rush out the door last week, I actually put on the wrong pair of work shoes.
During the day, I teach preschool - in HEELS. Not uncomfortable heels, but not the kind you would want to be running around a crowded kitchen in, either.

So, I wasn't paying attention to which pair of black shoes I slipped on, and I didn't realize what I had done until I got to work - 25 minutes away from my comfortable safety shoes.

My manager was already shorthanded, so she told me to go out there and be careful. Ummmm.....ok....

One of the other girls felt bad for me - after laughing for almost 30 minutes - and she let me take her early cut. But I still had to waitress for almost 3 hours in 2 inch heels. Not an experience I want to repeat again any time soon. As soon as my back stops aching, I may be able to laugh about this.....

PAID Vacation!!!

Oh Yeah - You read that right - I am a waitress with a PAID vacation!

So working for a huge corporation DOES have it's tiny little benefits...

On October 7, I reached my 5 year mark with the company I work for. That means that I am entitled to a 3 week paid vacation! How exciting, right??? Too bad I only make $2.63 an hour.....

Seriously, for the vacation days, they do pay us minimum wage. Not sure what that is, exactly, but I can guarantee it is still a lot less than what I normally make on any given night. So, I'm not REALLY taking a vacation. I have put in every day off since October 7 as individual vacation days. Which means that I have made approx. $25 per day on every one of my days off!! After taxes and whatever, I may actually have some Christmas shopping money!!

I know, I won't complain because this is actually the first waitressing job I've ever had with this benefit. Instead, I'll just enjoy the extra cash, and maybe a new pair of shoes....

Saturday, October 27, 2007

The Constant Complainer

Some people just need to find something to complain about. Doesn't matter how wonderful the situation is, they will still manage to find something.

This case was true the other night when a party of 5 called ahead. We have 4-tops and 6-tops, and we usually put the parties of 5 in a 4-top with a chair at the end. Before we use the chair at the end, we ALWAYS ask if they mind.

The woman who called said they didn't mind, however when they showed up, the man was furious about it! He yelled at her, he yelled at the door server, and he yelled at the manager. Since my 6-top was the next to open up, they were quickly sat in my station. Yippie.

I've actually waited on them before, so I prepared myself for the worst. "Kill 'em with kindness", right?

So, I made sure that NOTHING went wrong with this table. Absolutely NOTHING. But, like I said before, some people need to complain about everything.

His only complaint about dinner? The vegetable dishes were too hot. ARE YOU KIDDING?

"Here, touch them! They'll probably burn your fingers."
OK - If they'll probably burn my fingers, I don't want to touch them, but...
"I'm actually the one who picked the up and put the on the plate. Maybe I just don't have any feeling left in my fingertips."

I thought his wife would choke on her food when I said that. She managed to hide a smile, and he stopped complaining.

She signed the credit card slip at the end. Thanks for the 25% tip!!

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Discover Card Strikes Again!!

The couple was nice enough.
The service was exceptional.
They were one of my first tables, so I wasn't busy yet and I was still in a good mood.
The food came out fast and cooked perfectly.
There was nothing wrong with dinner....

$45 bill - $6.50 tip.

Discover Card is an ongoing drama. More Tales Of Discover Card...

Thinking Blogger Award

I was tagged by this award months ago, and I was really slow at finding the blogs I wanted to suggest for this. Well, I finally named the 5 blogs that I would like to pass the Thinking Blogger Award along to.
Here is the blogger that tagged me:

Here are the 5 Blogs:

(Please note that as a bitter waitress, I have a special place in my heart for the type of humor that most of these bloggers display...)

Upset Waitress

Will Work For Tips

Dine In Or Take Out

The Insane Waiter

Restaurant Gal

THE RULES ARE: Congratulations, you won a Thinking Blogger Award:

Should you choose to participate, please make sure you pass this list of rules to the blogs you are tagging. The participation rules are simple:

1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think.

2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the memo

3. Optional: Proudly display the 'Thinking Blogger Award' with a link to the post that you wrote (there is an alternative silver version if gold doesn't fit your blog).

Mean Girls

After 17 years (I've been waitressing off and on since I was 14, so don't think I'm THAT old...) as a waitress, I think it is finally starting to make me bitter. or is it bitchy? Either way, I have recently found I don't like many people.

Soo...sometimes you see a person come in the restaurant and it is like seeing a train wreck. You can't tear your eyes away, and you HAVE to tell someone. Usually, the nice girl inside me tells me to keep my little comments to myself, but the bitter waitress has taken over.

"Table 41, facing the front. Is that her REAL hair?"
"Biggest boobs I've ever seen! Put those thngs away!"
"Who wears leopard print hot pants?"
"Doesn't she have a mirror at home?"

Once I started sharing some of my sightings, I quickly realized that I wasn't alone. In fact, there is a whole group of us, just watching the customers and pointing out irritating characteristics. And they call themselves The Mean Girls.

So if you decide to go to a restaurant wearing a bleach blond wig, leopard print hot pants and a shirt cut so low your boobs fall out, please be aware that there will be plenty of waitresses there to comment on your obvious lack of fashion sense.

Sunday, October 21, 2007


Ok - Some of our restaurant regulars are very *unique* people. I have been trying to avoid talking about this particular couple because the name that we have blessed them with is not exactly a nice one. They earned this name however, and we say it with all due respect. Mr. & Mrs. Shitter.

SOOO - Every Friday night they come in, sit in the table nearest the restroom, and order baked schrod - Lunch size, no matter what time they arrive. They will each eat alone because they take turns using the restroom, hence the names. On a usual night, they will each dissapear for 20-30 minutes at least 3 times.

Well, as you can imagine, the Men's room stall MIGHT run out of toilet peper. Poor Mr. was in desperate need when he came flying out of the restroom straight into the loudest waitress on the floor. He grabbed her arm, and yelled for everyone nearby to hear, "YOU NEED TOILET PAPER IN THE MEN'S ROOM RIGHT AWAY!!" She actually managed to keep a straight face as she RAN to the manager to get the needed toilet paper.

I am sure they are very sweet people, but I can't seem to get over the thought of WHY they are in our restaurant every Friday - and where do they go all those other nights?

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

The Friend List

Every restaurant has this, right? You know the list of you with your picture & then the picture of the people that you are meeting. I mean how else will I know who you are waiting for.....

Well apparently MY restaurant doesn't have the right Friend List.

We had two women come in last Friday. Each sat down (actually within 10 feet of each other), and waited for their friend to come in. We were aware that they were both waiting for a friend, but the 2nd to come in had walked around the restaurant to look, and did not see the other woman. Believe me, we certainly pointed out that there was another woman waiting!

Well, when they finally realized what they had done, the women were so upset, they yelled at both the door servers and the waitress.

"Why did you let us sit apart for that long?!? We should have been sat together!!"

Right... 'Cuz you were in the Friend List...

Tonight we are Serving ...Jenny Craig?

Oh yeah - That's right! Tonight table 35 will be dining on Teriaki vegetables served over rice and prepared right in our very own MICROWAVE.


Apparently one of the other waitresses on my shift had a party of 4 women. All dining out for their once a week binge, all drinking wine faster than it could be delivered, and all taking advantage of the poor girl who had the misfortune to wait on them.

When the time came to order, 3 ordered meals, and the other handed the waitress a frozen Jenny Craig meal and asked her to heat it up and bring it out when the other meals were delivered to the table...

Are you kidding?!?

So what would you do? I thought about it, but the truth is, I probably would have done the very same thing that their polite, sweet waitress did. Take the meal and warm it up. She could have said "no" but without manager backing on this one, she certainly would have lost out on a tip.

No win situation... And since we are trying to get paid from every table... We tend to bend over backward to satisfy. "We can do anything" is a joke around my restaurant, because "the managers will make us do anything".

Love restaurant life.

Jenny Craig, anyone?