Sunday, March 22, 2009

What I Really Meant to Say...

By now we all know that waitressing is all about creating a pleasant, cheerful, persona. One that doesn't get upset or frustrated. One that can handle anything thrown its way on a busy Friday night.

I have found the best way to keep that persona alive, is to play a little game I like to call "What I really Meant to Say". So the customer may never actually hear what I really meant to say, but believe me, the rest of the staff knows...

When serving the couple who can drink 7 glasses of diet soda during a one hour meal.
"Of course, I'll be right back with a refill."
What I Really Meant to Say...
"Are you kidding me??? I've made 6 trips to your table already, and I know that you are only going to leave a $4 tip. Maybe I should just hook up an IV!"

When serving the man who ordered a Medium Rib Eye and got a beautiful Medium Rib Eye that is making my mouth water.
"Oh I am so sorry sir. The kitchen seemed to have under cooked it a bit, I'll take it right back and have them put it on for a minute. Would you like a salad on the house while you wait?"
And When I return with a slightly more cooked Medium Well Rib Eye....
"It was only on for a minute, I cannot understand how they managed to overcook it in only 2 minutes."
What I really meant to say...
"Just order the damn chicken!"

When serving the family who let their kids throw popcorn all over the floor, dump out all of the sugar packets, and smear marinara sauce and hot fudge on the table, the seats, the windows, and the couple sitting next to them.
"Oh, don't worry about the mess, I can take care of it."
What I really meant to say...
"It's a busy Friday night. Not only is my table taken up when you eat, I now have to take 20 extra minutes just to clean up the mess that your little heathens have made. Thank you for that 12% tip. It's good to know that you appreciate my time."

When serving the couple that can't just order off the menu, and need 15 changes made to each item ordered.
"Oh, I can't believe that they forgot the walnuts on your sandwich! I'll be right back with some for you."
What I really meant to say...
"The 17 other things you ordered changed came out right. I know you didn't ask for walnuts, too. But I will get them because you won't eat the sandwich without them, and I need you to eat - fast - so you will leave."

9 comments:

jacque said...

i like that game, think we all play in our own way! :) if only they knew!

Food Service Ninja said...

WTF walnuts on a sandwich?

and for the messy kid family just say casually "Lady you must spend all your time cleaning up after these hellions

Anonymous said...

I have a new rule......unfortunately it is not implemented yet. For every child I have to clean up for it's another $5 on the tip..... some day it will come to fruition!

Anonymous said...

You could always go back and get your G.E.D and get a real ADULT job....otherwise be quite and get me another Pepsi!

Rissa said...

you get 12%!? when that happens to me I only get 5-10%

Anonymous said...

I have been a waitress 33 years and very much an adult. I am smart enough to do what i love. When you love what you do it's not work. I have fun and earn around $30 an hour. How much do you love your job?

Anonymous said...

I've been a waitress for 18 years. I graduated High School, have some college, own my own photography business and can spell the word quiet correctly. Don't go out and eat if you plan on not taking care of your waitress. It's as real of an ADULT job as there is.

Anonymous said...

Obviously, you're the one with no education...you can't even spell "quiet" right.

Waitress4Life said...

After years of going back and forth between waitressing jobs, I finally lost the passwords to this blog... But I haven't given up! Or lost my absolute desire to share the JOYS of the restaurant world!!
Join me on the blog I CAN access and will be updating (hopefully!!) far more frequently in the near future!!
It's great to be back... I really need to vent! Waitress4Life
waitressagain.blogspot.com